Slayers: Reflections
by Eveshka
Summary: Songfic: Years pass, Lina reflects. Rated PG for mild language.


**Reflections**

**A Slayers Songfic**

            She stood quietly on the cliff, looking down over the seemingly endless fields below, noting absently that the river almost looked like a stream from this distance. Was that how the lives of others would eventually look to her? Would she become remote, detached?

            No, she couldn't! Could she?

            But how couldn't she?

_Many times it's repeated,_

_The melody of the soul_

_The listening emotions begin to cry,_

_wandering__ around..._

            She'd forgotten a crucial fact of her life. She dealt in Nightmare Magics. She was practically immortal. It struck her, a cold cruel blow, one morning out of the blue when she went to visit Amelia after a wild two years of blasting bandits.

            Amelia was older.

            Sure, she was barely twenty-two, but the bounce and exuberance of sixteen was tempered, a more sedate woman in place of the girl that she first trained in magic.

            Amelia was older.

            But Lina hadn't changed.

_There is a destiny we see sometimes,___

_Between yesterday and today_

_We leave the day "today", and we cry...._

            Year after year, Lina dreaded the visits, watching Gourry age, watching Amelia's brunette hair go white. She started to understand why Zelgadis didn't visit, why he didn't seem to care.

            It terrified her.

_We lost the love and we rest and find it_

_It kindly smiles while it's soul is burning_

_without__ noticing_

            Gourry was gone first, and Lina spent three years in mourning. No bandit was safe within a 3 mile radius of Lina Inverse. The countryside beyond Saillune had never had a longer peaceful period than when Lina took over as the head of Saillune's Royal Army in Gourry Gabriev's name.

            When Amelia died, it took the spirit out of Lina entirely. She resigned her post and virtually vanished from the world.

_There is too much to live today,_

_All the things make me go off task_

_There is a kindness inside_

_so__ I must get it out_

_I want to find the real me,_

_inside__ myself and stare at it_

_Little by little it changes,_

_The future of me_

            And there she stood, at the edge of the cliff, looking down at the river that looked like a stream. She hadn't heard from Zelgadis in over twenty years (he had at the very least, shown for Amelia's funeral…) she hadn't had any companions for thirteen…

            The river looked like a stream.

_I give up and keep away_

_The thought is hard and never erased..._

_Even the imagination of dreams,_

_are__ simply put away_

_Between the hopeless and giving up_

_it's__ too deep so I start to cry_

            She stood at the edge of the cliff, watching the river, wondering what to do with her life. It was disconcerting, immortality catching up with you when you least expected it.

            So what was she going to do?

            It came down to that, didn't it?

            She sighed, wrapping her arms around herself, staring out over that river. The absurdity of the moment struck her, and she swore softly. They'd never have believed it. In all the chaotic years running around the world together, not one of them would ever have dreamed that she'd live to see a moment where regret would color everything and she'd relate herself to a stupid river.

            But there she was.

            And there was that damned river.

            And she was alone with it.

_The guys who have no dreams tell me to look_

_at__ the reality which chases after me_

_To bump and to injure, dodge them carefully_

_It's better to live clumsy than easy,_

_I want to be and live myself_

_The love inside the coldness, if I can find it_

            She shook her head and turned away, still looking down. She'd keep going, that's what she did, right? She'd been alone before… she'd manage yet again.

            She looked up, expecting to see a hazy shade of blue sky along the horizon beckoning.

            Instead, she saw a crystalline blue of a different shade.

_The gears in my head slowly takes in time_

I find the space for myself which I was looking for 

            The river forgotten, she walked away from the cliff and down towards her friend.


End file.
